He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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