so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
