Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
