My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
