Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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