i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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