You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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