ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
