Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it's like iHOP with fire
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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