??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
