I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
