God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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