I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
