i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
