We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
