it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
