Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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