Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
