There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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