I love black thongs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
