How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
