Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
