My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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