it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
