my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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