We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
