TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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