I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
