I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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