Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
