love makes seman taste better
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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