I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
