his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
