My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This baby is an asshole
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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