god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
