I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
