I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
