Porn is love you can see.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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