Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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