in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
