just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
