Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
