He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
