He disabled his match.com account in front of me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
