We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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