Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
