You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
