I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
