the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I think i got beer on your cat.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
