he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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