yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
