doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
