Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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